Moving forward can be the easy part.

This email is the fourth in a 4-part series about how to identify conflict, navigate reactions, uncover the issues and rebuild from unproductive incidents of conflict. Today’s article is focused on how to rebuild and move forward meaningfully.

Based on some of the responses I’ve received so far, this is the article many of you have been most looking forward to. The good news is that having identified, navigated and uncovered the issues underlying a conflict, moving forward should be the easy part.

The work of the first three steps is crucial. By having uncovered the real issues in particular, ideas can flow more readily. At this stage, there should be a heightened awareness of one another’s perspective, experience or and role in the conflict. From there, you have the relatively simple task of asking the parties what they want or need to move forward.

That’s right – let the people involved tell you what they need to move forward. The people you include in the decision-making process should be those who need to implement the agreed-upon solution. Put another way, the people involved in conflict will be the ones doing the work to move past it. I’m sure you can think of a time when you had an interpersonal issue at work and someone else told you what to do. How did that go, really?

As the ideas flow, the facilitator should not opine on what is or is not possible. That is important because not every suggestion will be possible, desirable or realistic. But keep the conversation going. If someone offers a suggestion, ask what steps they think would need to happen next to make that idea a reality. As they consider those next steps, they may see for themselves what challenges lie therein. Or ask the other parties how a suggested outcome would make them feel. That response may similarly identify difficulties and signal the need for an alternate outcome, Regardless, the continued dialogue reminds everyone of the various considerations and perspectives at the table. The only unacceptable suggestion is to maintain the status quo.

Hopefully the resolution includes processes or systems that can be relied on in future conflicts. Inevitably, there will be more issues. This exercise will not serve to extinguish conflict entirely, but should provide a framework for people to rely on as they navigate issues in future. By going through these steps, the people involved will have exercised their conflict resolution muscle. With more exercise, the stronger the muscle and the more likely that future conflict stays productive.

Keep this top of mind. When resolutions are implemented, don’t take a passive approach from that point. Revisit the discussions, check in with your teams, and adjust as needed based on their input. Such check ins are just as important when things are going well as when things get tough. A proactive approach contributes to a collaborative culture where teams have more trust, better ideas, and stronger outcomes, no matter what issues arise.

If you have more questions about how an external facilitator can be involved, don’t hesitate to reach out. Together, we can discuss the possibilities.

Thank you for reading!  I’m Aileen, a big believer in the good that can exist in conflict. I write for the people-centric business leaders who are willing to get a little uncomfortable (in a good way!) for the sake of their business, their team and their clients. If you have any thoughts, feedback, or ideas for future newsletters, reply to this email. I’d love to hear from you!

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