Dishin’ it out

We all know someone who can dish it out but can’t take it.

We all do it, some of us more than others.

The problem is, most of us don’t realize we are being that person while events are unfolding. Maybe we realize it later, but not always.

That insight matters because conflict resolution only works when it’s a two-way street. Two people have to be willing and able to speak openly.

So how do we know if this is one of our blind spots?

Here’s a simple exercise to gauge if people feel they can have a two-way conversation with.

Start with people outside of work - close friends, family, roommates, or someone else who knows you well.

Ask them two questions:

1. What is one thing they think you do really well?

2. What one thing do they think you could and should do better.

Preface it in some way that makes clear you really want them to be candid with you and that you don’t need an answer right away. This can be a face to face conversation, text or email. Whatever works best.

Once you hear back from them, it is often insightful and even surprising to learn what others think you do well.

But really reflect on what they identify as areas for improvement.

Did they “criticize” you in a way that was actually a compliment?

You know what I mean. It’s like when you have a job interview and the interviewer asks you to share a weakness. And then you say that you work too hard or are too relentless at finding solutions to sticky problems. Something the interviewer will like to hear.

If you feel a little proud of that identified area for improvement…take a pause. Maybe they answered like that because don’t think you take well to criticism.

And maybe that’s how you come across at work too.

It’s important to know, because people can write you off as a friend, colleague or leader if they don’t feel they can have a two-way conversation with you.

We can all be better at those hard conversations, but awareness is our starting point.

If our current behaviour seems to invite others to engage with us, that’s a great start.

If not, it’s still just a starting point and we can only get better from there.

Thank you for reading!  I’m Aileen, a big believer in the good that exists in conflict. If you have any thoughts, feedback, or ideas for future newsletters, reply to this email. I’d love to hear from you!

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