How often do you give the benefit of the doubt?I was up early today and took my morning coffee to a nearby park that offers a view of the whole city and the harbour. As I watched the sun come up over the still water, I felt very deeply a sense of peace. But it wasn’t always like that. Growing up as the middle child with two rowdy brothers, our grievances were not that infrequent. Peace was not our natural state. Even so, no dispute ever lasted long. Between my brothers and I, we expressed our displeasure with one another quickly and loudly, but then moved on again as friends within minutes, like it had never happened. We knew no one meant the things they said, and so we gave one another the benefit of the doubt. But it’s not always like that. Think about these two scenarios: 1. There’s a new person on your team at work. You swing by to say hi and welcome, they seem a little flustered or distracted. You leave them to it. Later that week, you pop by and ask them if they want to join you for a coffee break, but they decline the invite without further explanation before turning back to their computer. 2. You call a close friend who just welcomed a new baby with their partner. They sound a little flustered or distracted. They hang up without saying goodbye. Later that week you ask them by text message if they want to meet for lunch and they decline, without further explanation. What would be your impression of the new colleague? That they’re unfriendly? That they dislike you? That you’re never going to ask them for coffee again? On the other hand, what would be your impression of your friend
with the new baby? Chances are, you’re unlikely to assume the friend with the
new baby is mad at you or dislikes you based on this scenario. This is why connection and team building in the workplace matters. We do tell ourselves stories. We fill in the blanks, and we often don’t realize it’s just narrative and not facts. How we fill in the blanks matters. We can create a sense of rejection, hurt and mistrust. In the case of the new colleague, the teambuilding could stall before it even had a chance to begin. If a colleague misses a call or a meeting with you, you can assume a few things. You may assume that something important came up which they had to deal with. On the other hand, you may assume that they just don’t care about this project/job/helping you. The better the quality of our working relationships, the less likely we are to fill the gaps with negative assumptions. This is true at work and in the other areas of our life, and you can probably think of a dozen ways this shows up for you or others. We don’t have to be best friends, but we do need to trust our colleagues. It can be as simple as sharing why we chose our line of work, what we find meaningful about what we do, what our motivations are. While we are talking about work, we are also sharing on a more personal level. This is why teambuilding is more than the games and ice breaker activities we engage in at our company retreats or work parties. It’s not just about doing an escape room together. It’s more than after work drinks, vent sessions (remember last week’s newsletter about the costs of venting!) or merely being together outside the office. Teambuilding is an exceptional tool when we do it with intention. When we know what outcome we want, one of the most important things we can do is to facilitate a meaningful conversation. One where we get to know one another in a way designed to connect, share and understand. With those building blocks, we are able to give each other the benefit of the doubt, at the very least. Perhaps there’s an existing conflict the team is trying to work through. Or maybe the goal is to maintain and continue growing the positive relationships that already exist. I facilitate these sorts of teambuilding events, and a friend recently commented that she sensed I was most excited about this aspect of my work. And she’s right, I really love this part. Because every business knows the value of teambuilding, even when they’re unsure about how to execute. When we make more positive assumptions, we work in stronger teams and we deliver better results for our clients and our business. Doesn’t that sound like something that would make each day a little more enjoyable? What’s the story in your workplace, or the workplace of your clients? What sort of teambuilding do they do, and what would you suggest they do differently?
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