Triggers, fears, hopes and dreams. My unofficial motto is “Time is my most precious resource”. It’s the one thing we can’t buy, train for, multiply or replenish. For me, it helps ensure that I design my days (and life) around my values and reminds me to do the things that make me feel good. But that leads into another really valuable resource that really affects everything we do. One we tend to overlook or forget about. I couldn't know what time well spent means without it. It’s that little thing we know as Self-Awareness. The good news is that Self-Awareness is something we can learn, build, and have more of. Even then, self-awareness is always a work in progress. Here’s a common example. We all know someone we could describe as “negative”. If you told that person they’re negative, how would they react? Maybe they’d be shocked, angry, upset or just deny it. Or plot twist - they’ll tell you that you’re the negative one. Fun! I get a lot of calls from friends, colleagues and clients who’ve been on the receiving end of this comment. I get just as many calls from those who want to tell someone else they’re negative. Whichever side of the equation you’re on, this should trigger some intentional Self-Awareness. If you’re the “negative” person how did you react? what feelings came up? Tip: dig deep here, there’s almost always more than one emotion at play. how would you describe yourself? are there specific behavioral examples you can think of that embody this description? what feelings do you have toward people you perceive as negative? why do you describe those other people as negative?
If you’re looking to stage an intervention with a “negative” person in your life: what specific and recent examples do you have of them being negative? how did their “negative” behaviour make you feel? what do you want to achieve by telling them they’re negative? how else would you describe this person? (try to name at least 3 other qualities). what three qualities would upset you most, if you learned people described you that way?
Perhaps you’ll realize that it’s particularly triggering to hear you’re negative because it’s a quality you really dislike in other people. Interestingly, perhaps you’ll uncover that you want to tell someone they’re negative because it’s a quality you fear others attribute to you. Triggers, fears, hopes and dreams - Lots of things will turn up. There’s no better investment than learning about ourselves. It affects how we start and have conversations. It impacts our willingness and ability to assess our own contribution in any situation. Self-Awareness is crucial to build positive relationships and to achieve positive outcomes in times of conflict or negativity. Take 5 minutes and think about someone that has annoyed or offended you recently. Do some digging. The sit with what comes up. It may transform your next conversation, and likely for the better. Good luck!
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